JonnyNgo's Xanga

Playing it cool

Fri, 23 Oct 2009 02:42:15 GMT

GOING ON 30

Sat, 16 May 2009 06:03:26 GMT

I miss the parts of me that makes me whole... and I miss the parts of me that makes you smile with thoughts of me.

Thirty... such a dirty number. Something I cannot avoid I guess. As much as I try to fight it, deny it, ignore it... it hits me... like a ton of bricks on my chest. Growing up... feeling like I'm losing myself with every extra minute that passes through my fingers like sand. I miss who I was, the poet, the artist, the romantic, the hopeless. Now, I only see myself as the one who doesn't have time for himself. Make time for himself. No more. That's my birthday present to myself. To be more selfish. Forget those who do not appreciate me, and focus on me. So I close my eyes, and blow out the candles to the cake that never was.

I know this sounds like a depressing post, especially since I haven't been on xanga in months. It's not. It's about empowerment. About knowing what you want and taking the time to pursue it. What I want... is to be Jonny Angel once again... create visual pieces of art that represents who I am... for myself... and for you... because I miss knowing that when you need me, all you need to do is come here, read this... and smile. Because I forgot that sometimes it is all it takes. Sometimes, it's as simple as letting you know that I put these letters together, to form words... to send a message... just for you.

SMITTEN

Sun, 09 Nov 2008 05:24:53 GMT

tell me to jump
and i will never ask how high
because with each jump i reach for the moon

tell me to follow
and i will never ask how far
because for each step i will walk beside you

tell me to love
and i will never ask how much
because for you i could only love unconditionally

but what if it isn't enough... wasn't enough for you.
and maybe i am that selfish...
maybe i am that needy...
wanting you to love me the same...
needing you to love me more.

*

i was shooting some photos at this concert last month... and i saw this old couple, walking around holding hands. i think that's the most adorable thing there is. being together for so long and still loving each other that much. being together for that long and still wanting to have each other's touch. and i realized... that i want the exact same thing. that i hope i could only be so lucky. to be that old and that happy and that in love.

i saw this old couple holding hands... walking around... and i realized. that it is something i must have for my future. that i cannot be with someone who cannot give me that. and i just want to be smitten by the person i love, for every waking moment. so that 40 years from now... i can inspire love in someone who sees me walking hand in hand with you.

SICK CYCLE CAROUSEL

Wed, 24 Sep 2008 15:36:54 GMT

i heard that when you fall deeply into love, it hits you like car...
and so i walk blindly into traffic during rush hour only to be grazed by a bicycle.

*

is destiny meant for the young?

destiny is only a bridge to the one you are meant to be with, so i guess it's up to you to cross that bridge. so the older we get, do those bridges fade, die or break? and once those bridges are gone, do we build new ones? or is there no way to get back to the one you're meant for?

the older i get, the more i realize that the bridges of fate do fade,
so we must cross them before we lose our way... before we lose our chance to cross them forever.

*

i am a one wing angel.
one wing to catch you if you fall.
one wing to keep you afloat.
but i cannot fly alone.
only hover in a place
until you guide my way.

*

and i will leave this post with my top 10 a capella songs and renditions:

number 10: i'm yours

number 9: tv sitcom themes

no 8: over my head (cable car)

no 7: romeo and juliet

no 6: mr. brightside

no 5: where in the world is carmen san diego

no 4: nintendo theme songs

no 3: let go

no 2: canon

no 1: only you

I'M SORRY IT'S LIKE THIS

Sat, 13 Sep 2008 23:03:39 GMT

do you miss me when i'm gone...
will you miss me if i leave.

those words run through my mind in excessive circles. i guess that's my question for today... is that if we make that much of an impact in another person's life, that their daily routines are affected by it. if it makes them stop, just for a moment, to think to themselves about you. if they feel as if their day is just a little bit incomplete without you.

maybe all it boils down to is appreciation. valuing all the little things that make a difference. if the person you've devoted yourself to so wholly appreciates the things you do for them. and if that person, in some way or form, tries to repay everything you've done for them with some form of appreciation, be it a subtle, loud, simple, colorful, cheesy, romantic, sexy way.

and when it comes down to it, it is really all that holds everything together.
appreciation. the relationship glue.
it is the one word that determines the distance between us.

*

in light of hurricane ike... i want to talk about rain.

you see... love is no different than rain.

like rain, it comes and goes as it pleases.
sometimes we're prepared, walk around on a cloudy day with umbrellas in hand.
but most of the time, it catches us so completely off guard and we end up soaked.
love, it is everywhere. we can embrace it or run from it.
stay dry... or play in it.

when it comes... it pours...
and when it doesn't... we thirst for it...
search for it in a drought... die without it...
because what we are, is made from it.

love, it is no different than rain.

*

i will end this post with my top 10 80's cartoons.

number 10: the real ghostbusters

number 9: bionic six

number 8: gummi bears

number 7: g.i. joe

number 6: jem

number 5: transformers

number 4: he-man

number 3: thundercats

number 2: ninja turtles

number 1: ducktales

one word that makes ducktales the best... "blatheringblatherskite"

*

talking to myself on a gloomy saturday afternoon,
jonny ngo

THE BUS STOP

Mon, 11 Aug 2008 04:37:32 GMT

it has only been a few hours since i've been back home in dallas, after over a 7 hour drive from padre this morning... feeling the splotchy pain emcompassing the burnt parts of my skin. i am extra crispy today.

it feels so good... to get away... being able to spend 4 days at the beach... away from the rest of the world it seems. the problem with that is... as soon as i get back... i've realized what i've missed and how much the world continues to move without me.

i just learned that a bus, supposedly driving dangerously fast, by a driver, supposedly been convicted of driving intoxicated before, ran by company that has not properly maintained its vehicles, crashed on friday morning just north of dallas. the victims, all vietnamese families... mothers and sons. and i feel compelled to cry for the 17 dead and over 30 injured... all heading to the catholic retreat in carthage, missouri.

http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/hotstories/5935397.html

prayers go out to all their families and friends.

you see... reading about something like this touches me closely. i've been to those churches in houston. my parents went to the retreat this year... it could have easily been my parents in that bus. it could have been any of my hundreds of relatives. it might still be. missouri is a place we all go to. i use to go to it annually. and i get angry to see so many people go there to be disrespectful. they do not understand what people actually go through to go there... to feel spiritual... to be near family from all over the united states. we never ever want anything that tragic to hit so close to home. something as simple as a weekend trip can easily turn so deadly. all i can say is love your family. love your friends. cherish your times together.

you see... that accident brought back memories to me. that accident really does hit home. when i was 17, i took a trip to carthage, missouri also. and i never made it there. i remember it was early morning in oklahoma, and the rain was slightly covering the roads. my car hydroplaned and spun off the road. i hit a billboard and bounced into a ditch a quarter mile down the road. i remember seeing everything flow in slow motion, the windows shattering, things flying around and out of the car. i remember climbing out of the car, standing in that ditch... seeing if my cousin and his girlfriend was ok. they were fine with nothing about a few scratches from the broken glass. i didn't even notice the cut that ran down my face from my forehead to my chin until the ambulance came. my lips were busted, but that was the last thing on my mind. i remember the feel of the morning rain falling down on me as i saw something that could have been completely worst. when the cops came and after they investigated, they told me that if the car hit the billboard any differently, the car would have splitted and i could have easily been dead.

try saying that to yourself. that you could have easily been dead. and now tell me if that doesn't motivate you to appreciate life, to be optimistic, to cherish every moment. to want to leave an imprint on the world. to learn that doing something as simple as a few simple drawings can mean so much to so many people.

if you don't, then you don't realize that you have a gift that at least 17 people have lost this weekend.

I WISH YOU A STORY...

Mon, 04 Aug 2008 05:55:00 GMT

"i wish you a story with a happy ending...
and the wisdom to look for it."

i just got finished watching the american remake of "my sassy girl" by french director yann samuell and starring elisha cuthbert and jesse bradford. this review will be spoilerish, so just a warning for those who haven't seen the original. my thoughts on this movie is really not as black and white as i want it to be. i absolutely loved the original, probably seen it over 30 times. this movie obviously is nowhere near as good as the original, but i couldn't help but find myself smiling from time to time. i'm not sure if it's because i liked some parts of the remake, or if the movie just reminds me so much of the original, that i ended up enjoying the fact that it brings the memories flowing right back.

the movie opens similarly, a light hearted intro by the main antagonist. he's a completely different person than the original. instead of being this goofy, fun loving guy with a silly smile and a lax lifestyle, we find this uptight highly annoying goody goody named charlie trying to get a business degree. charlie has his life planned out, following in his father's footstep, narrating through a newly created best friend character. when we are introduced to the girl of the story, we are told she's drunk before we see that she is. the rescue happens, and she passes out almost instantly right after. there is none of that fun banter and drunk vomit scenes that made the original so outrageous. that is how the movie can be best defined as... like watching the same movie without all the outrageousness that made it so great.

you wonder how they can make a movie so perfect so wrong when everything is so laid out? well, those are the parts that felt right to me... the parts that were all already laid out. the subway slapping game was there... the piano recital was there... the date with the girl (that was a guy) was there... the 10 rules to follow were there even though not as elegantly written... the ending was there... but to me, it felt like the writers didn't know what scenes to keep and what scenes to get rid of... so in scenes where i completely thought wouldn't be in the american version, they added it which seems so completely out of place. yes, there's an escape soldier in this movie depressed about his girl and his dog. yes, there's a kendo scene in the movie. and instead of having the main guy mistakeningly hit on his "girl," we have museum scenes and job interview scenes.

the movie doesn't have a soundtrack, just different variations of canon in d throughout the movie (the asian influenced version was my favorite.) so if you were a fan of the movie, just hearing those notes touches the heartstrings. but it takes more than throwback to make it a watchable remake

in the end, i found the main actor highly annoying and not relatable,
i found the movie's script is completely spelled out as if the audience had to be told everything that was happening (they mention his cousin's death several times so by the end, it's obvious the girl's dead boyfriend is the same person with a forced notion of destiny applied over and over),
i found they took away the mysteries of the movie (they told you right away the girl was named jordan roark while we never found out the name in the original),
i found myself missing the bright colors of the original and hating the bland colors of new york in winter,
i found that it felt like the korean version had 10 times a better budget,
and i found the movie lacking in the fun of the original, but still, i ended up smiling in the end.
i think that elisha culbert played the role a little overboard, but we still find her adorable, quirky, and you can't help but sympathize for her. i think i enjoyed the movie just because it reminded me how great the original was... but i also didn't enjoy the movie, because knowing the original, i know how great it could have been.

*

today has come and past. the weekend is over. i had a pretty busy saturday, just trying to do what i can while the girlfriend is back in california. she's been gone for just about a week and is gonna be gone for a few more. today is actually the first day that i haven't heard from her in some shape or form since we started dating two and a half years ago. it feels strange, not getting a call or text or email. so i'm feeling a bit sentimental. it's hard to get that feeling here though, when she's here. have you ever felt as if when there's someone in your life that fits, you're complete. so when she's there... there's nothing missing. there's no missing her. and when that person is gone, a piece of you is gone. something's gone missing. so you start to miss things. it opens up a place for me to be a bit like who i use to be when i wasn't whole. how i was so sentimental, hopelessly romantic. i miss all the dreaming. so when she's gone... it isn't just her that i miss... but who i am when i'm without her. someone that's missing something that completes me.

*

here are some of the things i've worked on over the weekend. my friend gave me these kidrobot munny toys for my birthday over a year ago. these little vinyl toys are completely blank and white and it's up to me to make them into something. well, my friend nancy finally came over for the weekend so we can work on them. i made mine into street fighter characters...

over the weekend my friend tina also came over. i wanted to take pictures of her so i can turn them into her favorite paintings. it's still a work in progress, but here's a sample of how it's coming along. most likely i'm not gonna keep any of it and start over.

i also helped a friend by doing a shoot for a jewelry ad. the model's name is monica and i had two soft boxes, one to the lower right and one high left. this is also a work in progress, but here's a sample of that as well.

and this was what i did yesterday. how was your weekend?

*

tonight, i wanted to leave the post with my final thoughts. while 17th century poets wrote carpe diem poems, i will have a carpe diem blog. while i'm in no league as donne or herrick, i believe we all need a moment to realize that we must seize the day. i had a revelation the other day. that i'm not making the most of my time... and i realize that alot of people aren't. what a waste. as we sometimes sit here... watching the clock move forward, we fail to realize we are watching our time slip away. we are wasting our gift away.

seriously... stop and think about this. as we sit here, the clock ticks... right now it is 1:55 on a monday morning, august 4th, 2008. have you realized that this moment will NEVER EVER be here again. there will never be another 1:55 am on august 4th, 2008 ever. god, buddha, or whomever was great enough to grace us with this life, this one singular life, one chance to do all that we can while we are here on earth.... has given this gift. every breath we take, we lose a second of our life.. which becomes minutes, and hours and days. this moment is only here for a moment, for a single moment in time for us to take advantage of. there will never be another 18th birthday... or 2nd anniversary... so don't let this gift slip away. once it's gone, it's gone forever. and so when our time is up, when my time is up... how will we all be remembered. for me, the world will remember that at 1:55 am, on august 8th, 2008... i was here, writing this blog... trying to help another person come to a realization, that we can't let our life slip away. so we make each moment count... so that every second that we lose... is there for someone else to remember.

carpe diem, my friend. seize the day. live, laugh, smile, get heart broken and fall in love all over again...
remember, every second matters.

SQUARE ROOT OF THREE

Fri, 18 Jul 2008 02:51:41 GMT

i couldn't help myself...
but this was the best part of harold and kumar 2.

the square-root of three
a poem of love by kumar patel

i fear that i will always be
a lonely number like root three
a three is all that's good and right
why must my three keep out of sight
beneath a vicious square-root sign
i wish instead i were a nine
for nine could thwart this evil trick
with just some quick arithmetic
i know i will never see the sun
as 1.7321
such is my reality
a sad irrationality
when, hark, just what is this i see?
another square root of a three
has quietly come waltzing by
together now we multiply
to form a number we prefer
rejoicing as an integer
we break free from our mortal bonds
and with a wave of magic wands
our square-root signs become unglued
and love for me has been renewed.

*

tomorrow... it's time for do do do dah do do do batman.

ALMOST FORGOTTEN

Wed, 09 Jul 2008 06:53:59 GMT

beautiful...

nine letters in an order that seemed to have lost its place.
nine letters in an order that seemed to have forgot its meaning.
and i stay up this sleepless night missing its embrace...
missing the hold it once had over me.

as if i almost forgotten how beautiful your smile is...
the way it melts my heart away... turns my knees into putty.
because the beauty of your smile makes me lose more than just inhibition.

as if i almost forgotten how beautiful your heart is...
the way it turns my laughter into giddiness... my breath into butterflies.
because the beauty of your heart makes me lose more than just hindsight.

as if i almost forgotten how beautiful your company is...
the way your words turn into poetry... every phrase a new song.
because the beauty that is you makes me lose more than just my mind.

just almost... a memory i grasp tightly between my fingers...
feeling it almost slipping through... losing more than just a nine letter word...
so i returned here... to be reminded once again...
that i was once in a place too beautiful to be forgotten.

NOTHING BUT SASS

Sun, 30 Mar 2008 14:41:52 GMT

sigh. i have no comment.